Yep, I said it. After struggling with infertility and pregnancy loss, I always feel the need to say “oh but I’m so grateful for my kids” or “but I’m so blessed.” Especially if I’m talking about having a rough time – going through sleep deprivation, toddler tantrums, kids fighting, etc.
But ya know what? We shouldn’t have to back this up with those statements. Of course I’m grateful for my kids. I think part of becoming a parent is that you’re inducted into this special club. A club where yes, you sometimes sit and talk about the shitty moments of parenting.
Sometimes when I’m at the end of my rope and I’m really losing my mind, I feel this intense guilt and this voice kind of saying “Remember how badly you wanted this? Remember all that you went through to get here?”
We can feel it all. Feelings are not mutually exclusive. We can still feel grief from the babies we lost while also feeling overwhelmed with our living children and in the same breath never loving something so much in our entire lives.